14 Harmful Phrases You Should Stop Saying to Kids According to Experts

As parents and grandparents, we all want the best for the children in our lives. However, some seemingly innocent phrases can have unintended emotional consequences.

Child psychologists urge caregivers to rethink certain expressions that might negatively affect a child’s self-esteem or emotional development. In this article, we explore 14 phrases that psychologists recommend avoiding, offering healthier alternatives to foster a supportive environment for growth and well-being.

Table of Contents

“Stop crying, you're fine”

While it might seem comforting to downplay a child’s emotions, saying “Stop crying, you're fine” invalidates their feelings. Children often cry because they’re overwhelmed, and telling them their emotions are unwarranted can lead to confusion and frustration.

Instead, acknowledging their feelings with “I see you're upset. Let’s talk about it” encourages emotional expression and validation.

“Because I said so”

This phrase shuts down communication and discourages critical thinking. While it might be tempting in moments of frustration, it doesn’t explain the reasoning behind a decision.

Explaining the “why” behind a request or rule—”We don’t do that because it’s unsafe”—helps children understand the importance of rules and fosters mutual respect.

“You’re just like your father/mother”

Comparing a child to one of their parents, especially when referencing negative traits, can feel judgmental and leave them with a sense of insecurity. Every child is their own person with unique traits and abilities.

Instead of making comparisons, focus on the child’s individual strengths and personality.

Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.

“Don’t be such a baby”

This phrase belittles a child’s feelings and can lead them to suppress their emotions, which is unhealthy in the long term. Children need to feel comfortable expressing their feelings, even if they seem minor to adults.

A better response might be, “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s work through it together.”

“You’re so smart”

While praising intelligence can seem positive, it can unintentionally create pressure. Kids may start to feel that their worth is tied to their intellectual abilities, leading to fear of failure.

Instead, praise their effort and persistence, such as “You worked so hard on this, I’m proud of you!” This fosters a growth mindset.

“You’re lazy”

Calling a child lazy can damage their motivation and self-esteem. Children may be struggling with underlying issues, such as lack of interest or difficulty focusing, which this phrase doesn’t address.

Instead of labeling, try “Let’s figure out how we can make this task easier or more fun for you.”

Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.

“Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”

Comparing children to others—whether siblings, classmates, or friends—can foster resentment and jealousy. It may lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Instead, acknowledge the unique qualities of the child, such as “You are great just as you are, and I love your creativity.”

“You’re always in trouble”

Constantly labeling a child as “bad” or “always in trouble” reinforces negative behavior and doesn’t offer a constructive path for improvement. Instead, focus on specific behaviors: “You’re struggling to follow directions right now, let’s find a way to work together.”

This approach addresses actions rather than character.

“I told you so”

This phrase can come across as condescending and doesn’t help children learn from their mistakes. Rather than saying “I told you so,” try discussing what happened: “What can we learn from this situation?” This encourages problem-solving and personal growth.

Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.

“You’ll never amount to anything”

Such a phrase can devastate a child’s self-confidence, leaving them with deep emotional scars. Children need to hear that they are capable of achieving great things.

A better approach would be, “I know things are tough right now, but I believe in your ability to improve and overcome challenges.”

“This is so easy, why can’t you do it?”

This dismissive statement can make a child feel inadequate, especially if they’re struggling with the task at hand. Instead, acknowledge their efforts and encourage persistence: “I know this is tough, but I’m here to help you through it.”

This offers support without judgment.

“Big boys/girls don’t cry”

This phrase teaches children that emotions, particularly sadness, are signs of weakness. Suppressing emotions can be harmful as it prevents them from learning how to process and express their feelings healthily.

A better alternative: “It’s okay to cry when you’re upset, let’s talk about it.”

Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.

“You’re too sensitive”

Telling a child they’re “too sensitive” can invalidate their emotional responses and cause them to feel ashamed of their feelings. Every child experiences emotions differently, so instead of dismissing their sensitivity, try saying, “I see this really hurts, let’s talk about what we can do to help.”

“You’ll regret it later”

While this phrase might be meant as a warning, it can make a child feel anxious about the future. Instead of scaring them with “regret,” focus on guiding them through their decision-making process: “Let’s think about the consequences together so we can make the best choice.”

This approach teaches them critical thinking and decision-making skills.