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15 Clear Signs You’re Facing a Toxic Parent and What Experts Say to Do

Navigating a relationship with a toxic parent as an adult can be incredibly challenging. While most parents want the best for their children, toxic behavior can make these relationships emotionally draining.

Recognizing the signs of toxicity is the first step toward protecting your mental health and well-being. Here are 15 signs that experts say you’re dealing with a toxic parent as an adult, along with tips on how to cope.

They Constantly Criticize You

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Toxic parents often focus on your flaws rather than celebrating your strengths. Their constant criticism can make you feel inadequate and hurt your self-esteem.

Setting boundaries around what you’re willing to hear can help reduce the emotional impact.

They Guilt-Trip You Regularly

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A toxic parent might manipulate you by using guilt to control your decisions. You may feel obligated to meet their demands, even when it’s at your expense.

Recognize guilt-tripping for what it is and practice saying “no” without feeling guilty.

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They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

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If your parent constantly crosses boundaries, whether emotional or physical, it’s a red flag. Toxic parents tend to disregard personal limits, making you feel uncomfortable.

Firmly reinforce your boundaries and be prepared to limit contact if they continue to violate them.

They Make Everything About Themselves

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Toxic parents often turn every situation into a reflection of their needs or feelings. They may show little interest in your life unless it benefits them in some way.

Redirect conversations when they shift to your parent’s self-interest and focus on your own needs.

They Play the Victim

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If your parent often portrays themselves as the victim, even in situations where they’re at fault, it’s a sign of toxicity. This behavior manipulates you into feeling responsible for their emotions.

Avoid engaging in their victim narratives and focus on your own well-being.

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They Are Overly Controlling

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Toxic parents may try to control your decisions, from career choices to personal relationships. This need for control can be suffocating and leave you questioning your autonomy.

Take back control by making your own decisions without seeking their approval.

They Gaslight You

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Gaslighting involves making you doubt your own reality or feelings. A toxic parent might downplay your experiences or claim you’re overreacting.

Trust your own perception and avoid getting pulled into their manipulative tactics.

They Dismiss Your Achievements

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Toxic parents may belittle your accomplishments, making you feel like nothing is ever good enough. They might withhold praise or compare you unfavorably to others.

Remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to their approval and celebrate your successes independently.

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They Use Money or Gifts as Leverage

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If your parent gives gifts or financial support with strings attached, this can be a form of control. They may expect something in return or hold it over you when they don’t get their way.

Set clear boundaries around financial help or material gifts to avoid feeling indebted.

They Never Apologize

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Toxic parents often refuse to admit when they’re wrong, shifting blame onto you or others. This unwillingness to take responsibility can make resolving conflicts impossible.

Accept that you may never get the apology you deserve and focus on healing without their validation.

They Sabotage Your Relationships

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If your parent undermines your friendships or romantic relationships, it’s a sign of toxicity. They might try to create rifts between you and others to maintain control over your life.

Distance yourself from their influence when it comes to your personal relationships.

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They Withhold Love or Affection

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Toxic parents may withhold love or affection as a way to manipulate you. They might only show kindness when you act in ways that please them.

Recognize that their love should not be conditional and seek support from healthier relationships.

They Play Favorites

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If your parent plays favorites among siblings, it can create deep emotional wounds. This behavior can foster resentment and divide family members.

Focus on your own self-worth, independent of their favoritism, and maintain boundaries with siblings if necessary.

They Hold Grudges

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Toxic parents may bring up past mistakes repeatedly, refusing to let go of old issues. They may use your past against you as a way to maintain power in the relationship.

Refuse to engage in arguments about past events and keep conversations focused on the present.

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They Drain Your Energy

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Interacting with a toxic parent can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted. If you consistently feel drained after spending time with them, it’s a sign the relationship is taking a toll on your mental health.

Limit the time you spend with them and seek self-care strategies to recharge.

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