15 Habits That Adults Who Were the “Perfect Child” Can’t Shake
Being the “perfect child” can come with its rewards: praise, approval, and high expectations. However, those childhood experiences often leave lasting marks that shape adult behaviors, some of which can be unhelpful or even detrimental.
From overachievement to a constant need for validation, the habits formed from always striving to meet others' expectations can follow into adulthood. Here are 15 adult habits that often stem from being the “perfect child.”
Overachieving to Seek Validation
Adults who were the “perfect child” often have a deep-rooted need to achieve constantly. As children, they may have been praised for their successes, leading them to associate self-worth with accomplishment.
This results in a never-ending drive for perfection, pushing them to overachieve even in adulthood.
Difficulty Saying No
Having been the obedient, “perfect” child, saying no can feel like a failure. This ingrained habit of pleasing others often extends into adulthood, leading to difficulty setting boundaries.
They struggle to decline requests, fearing they will disappoint or upset others, which leads to burnout.
Fear of Disappointment
Adults who were raised as the “perfect child” often fear disappointing others. The pressure to always meet high expectations may have been overwhelming as a child, but as an adult, it can evolve into anxiety, causing them to work harder to avoid letting anyone down.
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Perfectionism in Every Area of Life
Being the “perfect child” often fosters perfectionist tendencies. These individuals may carry a relentless drive to ensure everything they do is flawless, from work projects to personal relationships, fearing that anything less than perfect will lead to judgment or rejection.
People-Pleasing Behaviors
Children raised to be “perfect” may have learned to prioritize others' needs over their own. As adults, they continue this people-pleasing behavior, striving to meet everyone else's expectations, often at the cost of their own well-being and personal desires.
High Standards for Others
As a “perfect child,” they were often held to high standards, and now, as adults, they may hold others to similar expectations. This habit can cause frustration when others don't meet these self-imposed benchmarks, creating tension in both personal and professional relationships.
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Struggling with Criticism
Having been shielded from criticism or only receiving positive reinforcement as a child, adults who were the “perfect child” may have a hard time handling feedback. Even constructive criticism can feel like a personal attack, triggering defensiveness or self-doubt.
Chronic Self-Comparison
Being the “perfect child” often means measuring up to others, whether it’s siblings, classmates, or societal ideals. As an adult, this habit can persist, leading to chronic self-comparison.
They may constantly measure their success, appearance, and achievements against others, resulting in feelings of inadequacy.
Difficulty Asking for Help
Growing up as the “perfect child” can foster a sense of independence, often creating an aversion to asking for help. These adults may feel they need to do everything on their own, fearing they will be seen as weak or incapable if they lean on others for support.
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Avoiding Conflict
The “perfect child” often learned to avoid conflict to maintain harmony. This habit can carry over into adulthood, where these individuals avoid disagreements, even at the expense of their own needs or opinions, to keep peace and prevent any tension.
Fear of Making Mistakes
Being praised for flawless behavior as a child can lead to a heightened fear of mistakes as an adult. These individuals may go to great lengths to ensure everything they do is correct, becoming overly cautious and hesitant to take risks that could lead to failure.
Constantly Seeking Approval
The approval of parents or teachers may have been a key motivator for the “perfect child,” and as an adult, this can turn into a constant need for validation. They seek praise from others and struggle to feel content or fulfilled without external recognition.
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Overthinking Every Decision
The habit of carefully considering every move as the “perfect child” can extend into adulthood, leading to overthinking. Every decision—no matter how small—becomes a process of weighing pros and cons, which can lead to indecisiveness and mental fatigue.
Difficulty Expressing Emotions
Having learned to suppress emotions in favor of being “perfect,” these adults may find it challenging to express their feelings openly. They might fear that showing vulnerability will cause them to be perceived as weak or flawed, so they bottle up emotions instead.
Reluctance to Embrace Imperfection
Adults who were once the “perfect child” often struggle with accepting imperfection in themselves and others. They may have a deep need for control and order, which prevents them from embracing life’s natural messiness.
This can lead to frustration when things don’t go as planned.
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