15 Things That Stick With You When You Grow Up in a Broken Home
Divorce can be a defining event in a child’s life, leaving them with memories and emotional imprints that last long into adulthood. While every child’s experience is unique, there are some common themes that resonate with many who grew up with divorced parents.
These memories often shape their view of relationships, family, and trust. Whether it’s the moment they found out about the divorce or the emotional toll of splitting time between two homes, here are 15 things children of divorce never forget.
These experiences help shape who they become and how they navigate life’s challenges.
The Moment They Learned About the Divorce
Children of divorce never forget the moment they were told that their parents were separating. This conversation often becomes etched in their memory, marking a life-changing shift.
The feelings of confusion, sadness, or shock can be hard to shake. This moment often signifies the end of their family as they knew it.
Splitting Time Between Two Homes
The constant transition between two homes can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. Children of divorce often remember the struggle of packing up their things every week or month.
They may feel torn between two worlds, each with its own rules and dynamics. This back-and-forth lifestyle becomes a lasting part of their routine.
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Feeling Like They Had to Choose Sides
Children of divorce often feel caught in the middle of their parents' conflict. Whether or not it was intentional, they may have felt pressure to choose sides or play mediator.
This dynamic can cause guilt, confusion, and a sense of loyalty to both parents. The emotional burden of navigating these conflicting loyalties never truly fades.
Witnessing Parental Conflict
For many children of divorce, witnessing arguments between their parents is a difficult memory to shake. These conflicts can range from heated exchanges to more subtle, passive-aggressive behaviors.
Seeing their parents argue can leave lasting emotional scars and anxiety around conflict. It teaches them to associate relationships with tension and discord.
Holidays and Special Occasions Becoming Complicated
Holidays and birthdays often become more stressful than joyful after a divorce. Children remember the logistical challenges of trying to please both parents and extended families.
They may feel the pressure to divide their time or to choose where to spend the occasion. This often takes away from the joy of these celebrations and replaces it with stress.
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Feeling Responsible for Their Parents’ Happiness
Many children of divorce take on the emotional weight of trying to make their parents happy. They may feel like it’s their job to keep the peace or cheer up a sad parent.
This can lead to a lifelong habit of putting others’ needs before their own. The pressure to “fix” things often stays with them well into adulthood.
Seeing One Parent Struggle Financially
Children of divorce often witness one parent struggle more financially after the split. This can create anxiety about money and a sense of helplessness in wanting to help.
They may remember seeing a parent work multiple jobs or make sacrifices to provide. The financial instability can be a source of stress that lingers throughout their lives.
Adjusting to Stepparents and Blended Families
The introduction of stepparents and stepsiblings can be a challenging adjustment for children of divorce. They often remember the awkwardness and complexity of blending families.
This can create feelings of displacement, jealousy, or difficulty finding their place in the new family structure. It’s an adjustment that can take years to fully settle into, if ever.
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Feeling Like They Have to Grow Up Faster
Children of divorce often feel like they have to mature more quickly to handle the situation. They may take on adult responsibilities, such as caring for younger siblings or managing their own emotions.
This “forced maturity” can lead to a sense of lost childhood or emotional burnout. It often shapes their personality and approach to life moving forward.
Watching One Parent Date Again
Seeing a parent date again can be an emotional and confusing experience for children of divorce. It’s often a reminder that their parents' relationship is truly over, and it introduces a new dynamic.
Children may feel protective, jealous, or even abandoned as their parent focuses on a new partner. This can create complicated feelings about love, loyalty, and family.
The Guilt of Wanting to Spend Time With Both Parents
Children of divorce often feel guilty about wanting to spend time with both parents. They may worry about hurting one parent's feelings or not spending enough time with the other.
This constant balancing act creates a lingering sense of guilt and pressure. It’s an emotional tug-of-war that often follows them into adulthood.
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The Strain on Relationships With Extended Family
Divorce often complicates relationships with extended family members, such as grandparents or cousins. Children of divorce remember the difficulty of staying connected with both sides of the family.
They may feel a sense of loss or disconnect as these relationships become harder to maintain. This strain on family ties can leave them feeling isolated or cut off from certain relatives.
Feeling Like the “Go-Between”
Children of divorce often take on the role of the go-between for their parents. They may find themselves relaying messages or mediating conflicts between their parents.
This responsibility can create stress and put them in uncomfortable situations. It’s a role they never asked for but often feel obligated to fulfill.
Questioning the Stability of Relationships
Growing up in a divorced family can lead children to question the stability of relationships in general. They may fear that all relationships are temporary or doomed to fail.
This insecurity can affect their own romantic relationships as adults, making trust difficult. The impact of their parents' divorce often shapes how they approach love and commitment.
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The Longing for Normalcy
Above all, children of divorce never forget the longing for things to go back to how they were. They often remember wishing their family could be whole again, even if that wasn’t realistic.
This longing for normalcy can lead to feelings of sadness, loss, and even anger. It’s a memory that stays with them, shaping their hopes and dreams for their own future families.
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