16 Subtle Signs You’re Holding on to a Toxic Friendship
Friendships are supposed to lift us up, offer support, and create joy. But sometimes, we hold onto relationships that no longer serve us. Whether it’s because of fear, nostalgia, or habit, staying in unhealthy friendships can negatively affect our well-being.
Recognizing the signs of a toxic friendship early can help you protect your mental and emotional health. Here are 16 clues that suggest you might be holding onto a friendship that’s no longer healthy.
You Always Feel Drained After Hanging Out
You leave feeling worse, not better. When spending time with a friend leaves you feeling emotionally exhausted or drained, it’s a big sign that the friendship may no longer be healthy.
True friends should lift you up, not leave you feeling empty or overwhelmed.
You Find Yourself Constantly Walking on Eggshells
You’re afraid to speak your mind. If you’re always cautious around your friend, afraid to say or do the wrong thing, it can signal that the relationship has become unbalanced.
A healthy friendship should be a safe space where you can express yourself openly without fear.
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You’re the Only One Putting in Effort
The friendship feels one-sided. A friendship requires effort from both sides.
If you feel like you’re always the one reaching out, making plans, and keeping the connection alive, it’s a sign that the friendship may not be as healthy as you think.
They Regularly Disrespect Your Boundaries
Your limits are ignored. When a friend consistently disregards your boundaries—whether emotional, physical, or mental—it’s a red flag.
Respecting boundaries is fundamental to any healthy relationship, and if they’re constantly crossed, it’s time to reassess the friendship.
You Don’t Feel Supported in Times of Need
They’re MIA when you need them most. True friends are there for you during tough times, but if your friend disappears when you need support, it suggests they’re not prioritizing your well-being.
This lack of support can be emotionally harmful and leave you feeling abandoned.
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They Criticize You More Than They Compliment You
Support is replaced by criticism. While constructive criticism is a part of any relationship, if your friend spends more time criticizing than uplifting you, the relationship may be doing more harm than good.
Positive feedback and encouragement are crucial for emotional health.
They Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You
Your private moments are weaponized. When a friend uses your secrets or past struggles to hurt you, it’s a clear sign that the friendship is toxic.
Trust is a pillar of any healthy relationship, and once that’s broken, it can be difficult to rebuild.
You Feel Bad About Yourself After Spending Time Together
Self-doubt creeps in. If you leave interactions with your friend feeling bad about yourself, insecure, or full of self-doubt, the relationship is likely unhealthy.
Healthy friends should encourage and empower each other, not make each other feel small or inadequate.
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They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
The friendship feels transactional. A friend who only contacts you when they need something is taking advantage of your kindness.
True friendships are reciprocal, not one-sided exchanges where only one person benefits.
They Encourage You to Engage in Harmful Behaviors
You’re pushed into negative actions. If your friend encourages destructive or harmful behavior, whether it’s unhealthy habits or toxic attitudes, it’s a huge red flag.
A healthy friendship should inspire you to be better, not drag you down.
They Gossip About You to Others
Your privacy isn’t safe. A friend who gossips about you to others or shares your private matters without consent is breaking trust.
Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect and trust, not on spreading your personal business.
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You’re Constantly Forgiving Them for Hurtful Actions
You’re the one always letting things slide. If you find yourself repeatedly forgiving your friend for their hurtful actions or words, it might be a sign that you’re tolerating behavior that isn’t acceptable.
A healthy friendship should involve mutual respect and accountability.
You Feel Like They Compete With You
They make everything a contest. If your friend seems to compete with you or downplay your achievements, it’s a sign of insecurity and jealousy.
True friends celebrate each other’s successes, rather than feeling threatened by them.
They Make You Feel Like You’re the Problem
Blame is constantly shifted onto you. In an unhealthy friendship, your friend may always turn the blame on you, even when they’re clearly at fault.
They refuse to acknowledge their own mistakes, leaving you feeling like the problem, which creates an unhealthy dynamic.
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You No Longer Enjoy Spending Time Together
It feels like a chore. When you stop looking forward to seeing your friend or hanging out together, it could mean the spark is gone.
Friendships should be enjoyable, not something you do out of obligation or guilt.
You Feel Like You’re Losing Yourself in the Friendship
You’ve changed for them. If you start losing sight of who you are in an effort to keep the friendship afloat, it’s time to step back.
A healthy friend should encourage you to be your true self, not push you to be someone you’re not.
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