17 Phrases Parents Should Retire Once Their Kids Move Out
Moving out is a milestone of independence, but it doesn’t mean adult children have completely severed ties with their parents. However, some well-meaning phrases from parents can grate on grown kids’ nerves.
Whether it’s a casual check-in or an unsolicited opinion, certain comments feel like oversteps, reminders of childhood frustrations, or just plain annoying. If you’re a parent, read on to discover 17 phrases adult children don’t want to hear and why these words can create tension instead of connection.
“Why don’t you come home more often?”
This phrase might seem innocent, but it often comes across as guilt-inducing. Adult kids have busy lives, with work, relationships, and social commitments.
While parents miss their children, pressuring them to visit more frequently can make them feel like they’re not doing enough, leading to unnecessary stress.
“You know, we sacrificed a lot for you.”
No child—grown or not—likes to feel like their independence comes with a debt they can’t repay. While parents’ sacrifices are appreciated, bringing them up can feel manipulative.
It creates a sense of obligation rather than fostering a genuine connection.
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“When are you going to settle down?”
For adult children, questions about marriage or long-term relationships can feel intrusive or dismissive of their current life choices. This phrase implies that they’re incomplete or behind schedule, which can create unnecessary pressure and resentment.
“What do you even eat these days?”
While this question might come from curiosity, it often feels judgmental. Adult children want their autonomy respected, including their eating habits, whether they’re trying new diets or sticking to a tight budget.
“We never did it that way when you were a kid.”
Parents may feel nostalgic or defensive about how they raised their children, but this comment can feel dismissive of their child’s adult decisions. It suggests a lack of trust in the way they’re living their life now.
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“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
While it’s natural for parents to worry, second-guessing their adult child’s decisions can feel condescending. It implies they’re incapable of making sound judgments, undermining their confidence and independence.
“You’re too busy for family these days.”
This guilt-laden statement can sour relationships quickly. While adult kids might not visit as often as parents would like, framing it as neglect instead of acknowledging their busy lives creates unnecessary friction.
“I was your age when I already had you.”
This phrase often comes with an undertone of comparison or disappointment. Times have changed, and adult children face different challenges and priorities, making this comment feel outdated and unhelpful.
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“You wouldn’t understand until you have kids of your own.”
While this phrase may be true in some cases, it’s dismissive. Adult children want their experiences and feelings validated, even if they don’t align with a parent’s perspective on family life.
“Do you really need that?”
Whether about a new gadget or an unexpected purchase, this comment can feel like parents are still trying to micromanage their child’s finances. Adult kids want the freedom to make their own spending decisions without judgment.
“You should really call more often.”
Though this request might be well-meaning, it can feel more like a demand than a gentle nudge. Adult children often feel torn between staying in touch and maintaining their independence, and this phrase only amplifies that tension.
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“I liked it better when you lived at home.”
This nostalgic comment might seem sweet, but it can also feel dismissive of their efforts to build a life of their own. It risks making adult kids feel guilty about their natural progression into independence.
“Why don’t you get a ‘real’ job?”
Parents might think they’re offering practical advice, but questioning an adult child’s career choices can come across as judgmental. It undermines their efforts and fails to respect their autonomy in defining success.
“Your cousin/sibling is doing so well.”
Comparisons to siblings or relatives can create feelings of inadequacy or resentment. Every adult child’s journey is unique, and pointing out others’ successes can make them feel like they’re falling short.
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“You’re not too old to move back home, you know.”
While this offer might be genuine, it can feel patronizing, as if the parent expects their child to fail at independence. Adult kids want their parents to trust in their ability to manage on their own.
“Are you seeing anyone special?”
Questions about relationships can feel intrusive, especially if they’re asked repeatedly. Adult children want to share details about their personal lives on their terms, not under parental scrutiny.
“Don’t forget where you came from.”
While the sentiment behind this phrase might be about staying grounded, it can feel like a subtle criticism of the adult child’s current lifestyle, ambitions, or choices. It’s often interpreted as a lack of support for their growth.
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