18 Words of Advice for Parents: Say These Things, Not Those
Words have an incredible impact, especially on children. A single phrase can shape how they see themselves, build confidence, or shake it.
Parents strive to guide, protect, and nurture, but sometimes common phrases meant to help can unintentionally cause harm. Here are 18 phrases good parents avoid, along with what you could say instead.
These words have the power to impact self-esteem, shape behavior, and influence a child’s outlook on life. With a few thoughtful swaps, you can build stronger, healthier relationships with your kids.
“Because I said so!”
This shuts down curiosity and creates resentment. Instead, explain why a rule exists, fostering understanding.
This approach encourages critical thinking and mutual respect.
“You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase dismisses emotions and can make kids feel invalid. Instead, acknowledge their feelings to build emotional intelligence.
Teach them that feelings are valid and manageable.
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“Stop crying!”
Telling a child to stop crying can make them feel shameful for showing emotion. Encourage them to express how they feel instead.
This helps kids learn healthy emotional expression.
“Why can’t you be more like [sibling/peer]?”
Comparing kids creates jealousy and insecurity. Each child is unique and deserves individual recognition.
Celebrate their strengths instead to foster confidence.
“You’re acting like a baby.”
This phrase can make kids feel inadequate or embarrassed. Help them understand their actions in age-appropriate terms.
Encouragement builds maturity more effectively than shame.
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“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Dismissive language tells kids their thoughts aren’t valued. Instead, listen and acknowledge what they’re saying.
Respectful communication strengthens trust and confidence.
“I’m disappointed in you.”
This phrase can feel like a heavy judgment. Expressing disappointment in actions, not the child, is more helpful.
Guide them to better choices through constructive feedback.
“It’s not a big deal.”
What feels small to adults can feel big to kids. This phrase diminishes their concerns and can feel invalidating.
Instead, validate their experience to show empathy.
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“I’ll do it myself.”
This phrase signals that they aren’t capable or trusted. Allow kids the chance to try, even if it takes longer.
Learning by doing builds independence and confidence.
“You’re so lazy.”
Labeling a child’s behavior can make it part of their self-identity. Encourage effort rather than focusing on perceived flaws.
This helps them see their abilities in a positive light.
“We can’t afford that.”
This can create anxiety or guilt about money. Instead, explain financial priorities in simple terms.
This teaches kids about responsibility without stress.
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“You always… or You never…”
Extreme statements feel like accusations and are rarely accurate. Focus on the specific action or behavior rather than generalizing.
This approach promotes constructive conversations over defensiveness.
“Be careful!”
Constant warnings can create fear and hesitation in kids. Instead, provide specific guidance on how to stay safe.
Clear instructions help kids build confidence in their actions.
“You’re fine.”
Telling kids they’re “fine” can make them doubt their own feelings. Instead, ask how they feel and listen actively.
This shows empathy and teaches self-awareness.
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“I’m too busy.”
Kids may feel unimportant if they’re always hearing this. Try to make time, even if it’s a short moment of attention.
Showing they’re valued helps build their sense of worth.
“Hurry up!”
This phrase can create unnecessary stress and pressure. Instead, encourage time management skills gently.
Rushing doesn’t teach, but patience fosters independence.
“Practice makes perfect.”
This phrase can create a fear of failure or the need for perfection. Instead, encourage effort and growth over rigid expectations.
Focus on improvement rather than an unreachable “perfect.”
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“Big kids don’t get scared.”
Implying fear is childish can make kids feel ashamed. Instead, acknowledge their fear and talk about ways to handle it.
Learning to face fears builds resilience and self-assurance.
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