19 Small Phrases Parents Use That Can Erode a Child’s Self-Esteem Over Time
Words have power, especially when they come from parents. While most parents aim to encourage and support their children, some seemingly harmless phrases can have unintended effects on their self-esteem.
Repeated over time, these comments can shape how children see themselves and their abilities. Recognizing these subtle patterns is the first step to fostering confidence and emotional resilience in your child.
Here are 19 phrases to avoid and healthier alternatives to help build your child’s self-worth.
“You’re too sensitive.”
Dismissing a child’s feelings as overly sensitive can make them feel invalidated. It may teach them to suppress emotions to avoid criticism.
Instead, acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I can see this really upset you—do you want to talk about it?”
“Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Comparisons can breed resentment and insecurity. They make children feel they’re not good enough as they are.
Focus on individual strengths by saying, “I’m proud of how hard you’re working on this—it shows determination.”
Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.
“You’ll never learn if you keep doing it that way.”
This phrase can discourage persistence and make children doubt their abilities. Encourage a growth mindset with, “Keep trying; every mistake is a step toward learning something new.”
“Because I said so.”
While sometimes necessary, this phrase can feel dismissive and authoritarian. It denies children an explanation, making them feel powerless.
Instead, try explaining your reasoning with, “Here’s why this rule is important…”
“Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.”
Belittling their emotions teaches children to bottle up their feelings. Acknowledge their emotions with, “I can see you’re upset—let’s talk about what’s going on.”
Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.
“I was never good at that either.”
Although this may seem relatable, it can set low expectations. Children might think, “If my parent couldn’t do it, why should I?” Say, “You might surprise yourself with how good you can get if you keep practicing!”
“Hurry up!”
Constant pressure to speed up can create anxiety. Children may feel they’re always behind or not good enough.
Use positive framing like, “Let’s try to be quick so we can have more time for fun later!”
“You’re being dramatic.”
Labeling their reactions as dramatic minimizes their feelings. This can cause self-doubt. Instead, say, “I can see this matters a lot to you—how can I help?”
Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.
“You’ll never succeed if you act like that.”
Such sweeping statements discourage effort and self-belief. Shift the tone to, “Let’s figure out a way to approach this differently so you can succeed.”
“I told you so.”
Pointing out their mistakes in this way fosters shame rather than learning. Show support instead: “I see what happened—how can we do it differently next time?”
“You always…” or “You never…”
Generalizations can make children feel unfairly labeled. They may stop trying to improve. Be specific instead: “I noticed this happened today—let’s work on it together.”
Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.
“That’s not how it’s done.”
Criticizing their method without explanation can stifle creativity and confidence. Say, “That’s an interesting approach—let’s see if it works!”
“You’re driving me crazy.”
Blaming your child for your stress can make them feel like a burden. Instead, express your needs calmly: “I need a moment to gather my thoughts—let’s talk after a quick break.”
“You should have known better.”
This phrase assumes they intentionally made a mistake, fostering guilt. Guide them instead with, “What can we learn from this so it doesn’t happen again?”
Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.
“You’re so lazy.”
Labeling a child as lazy can make them internalize that identity. Focus on encouragement by saying, “How can we make this task feel more manageable?”
“Big kids don’t do that.”
Shaming behaviors as “childish” can push children to grow up too fast. Encourage growth by saying, “It’s okay to feel this way—let’s work through it together.”
“You’ll understand when you’re older.”
This phrase can feel dismissive and shut down curiosity. Foster understanding by saying, “It’s a bit complex, but here’s what I can explain now.”
Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.
“You don’t mean that.”
Invalidating their words can lead to self-doubt. Instead, seek clarity: “Tell me more about why you feel that way—I want to understand.”
“You can’t do it on your own.”
Doubting their abilities outright can undermine confidence. Encourage independence with, “I’m here if you need help, but I believe you’ve got this.”
More from IEPMommy
- Younger Workers Refuse to Follow These 15 Outdated Office Rules
- Stop Saying These 18 Overused Phrases That Drive People Up the Wall
- The Harsh Realities Boomers Lived That Millennials Didn’t Have to Face
- 17 Things Kids Had to Follow in the 70s That Sound Unreal Today
- 19 Old-Fashioned Beliefs That Boomers Cling to but Are Harmful Today
Like iepmommy's content? Follow us on MSN.
