20 Common Phrases Adults Should Never Say to Kids, Backed by Psychology
What we say to children can have a lasting impact on how they view themselves and the world. Some seemingly harmless phrases can actually damage a child’s self-esteem, emotional development, and confidence.
Psychologists emphasize that certain words and statements, though often said with good intentions, can cause confusion, fear, or negative patterns in young minds. If you want to promote a healthy, supportive environment for kids, here are 20 things adults should never say to them, according to experts.
“Stop crying, it’s not a big deal”
Dismissing a child’s emotions teaches them to suppress their feelings. Psychologists stress the importance of validating a child’s emotions, even if they seem trivial.
Telling them to stop crying signals that their feelings don’t matter. This can lead to emotional repression as they grow.
“You’re too sensitive”
Labeling a child as “too sensitive” undermines their emotional experiences. It can make them feel ashamed of their natural responses.
Psychologists suggest encouraging emotional expression instead of criticizing it. This helps kids learn emotional regulation without feeling judged.
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“Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Comparing siblings fosters resentment and insecurity. Each child has their own strengths, and comparisons can damage self-esteem.
According to psychologists, children need to feel valued for who they are, not in comparison to others. This kind of statement can also cause sibling rivalry.
“Because I said so”
While it may be tempting to use this phrase, it shuts down communication. Psychologists encourage explaining your reasoning to help kids understand boundaries.
Children are more likely to respect rules when they know the logic behind them. This promotes critical thinking and trust.
“You’re acting like a baby”
This statement shames children for having age-appropriate emotions or behaviors. It can make them feel embarrassed or inadequate for expressing vulnerability.
Psychologists recommend using supportive language to help them grow through their feelings. Shaming only discourages emotional development.
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“You’ll never be good at this”
Even in frustration, this kind of comment can damage a child’s self-confidence. Children internalize negative statements, especially from authority figures like parents or teachers.
Psychologists suggest encouraging effort rather than focusing on success. This helps kids develop a growth mindset.
“That’s not how you do it, let me show you”
Constantly stepping in to correct children can undermine their sense of competence. Psychologists advise allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them.
Taking over sends the message that they’re not capable, which can stunt independence. It’s better to offer guidance without taking control.
“You’re fine, stop overreacting”
Telling a child they’re overreacting minimizes their feelings. It can cause confusion and make them question their own emotional responses.
Psychologists stress the importance of validating children’s feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them. Empathy is key to emotional development.
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“If you don’t behave, I’ll leave you here”
Threatening abandonment, even as a joke, creates fear and insecurity in children. Psychologists say this kind of threat can cause anxiety and trust issues.
Children need to feel secure and know that their caregivers won’t leave them. Instead, focus on clear consequences without using fear tactics.
“Don’t be such a wimp”
Calling a child names for expressing fear or uncertainty can hurt their self-worth. Psychologists suggest encouraging bravery while acknowledging that fear is a normal emotion.
Shaming them for their feelings can make them less likely to take risks in the future. A supportive approach builds confidence.
“You’re just like your father/mother”
This comment, especially when said negatively, can confuse a child’s sense of identity. It often implies judgment and can lead children to feel like they’re destined to make the same mistakes.
Psychologists recommend focusing on the child’s individual traits and behaviors rather than drawing comparisons. This fosters a healthier self-image.
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“You need to lose some weight”
Comments about a child’s body can lead to unhealthy body image issues and eating disorders. Psychologists warn that children are especially vulnerable to comments about appearance.
Instead, focus on healthy habits and body positivity, rather than weight or size. This builds confidence and encourages self-care.
“You’re making me sad”
Putting the responsibility for your emotions on a child can create guilt and anxiety. Children are not equipped to handle adult emotions, and this comment can make them feel like they’re to blame.
Psychologists recommend teaching children that everyone is responsible for their own emotions. This helps them develop emotional boundaries.
“I’m disappointed in you”
While disappointment is a normal feeling, this statement can feel like a heavy emotional burden for a child. Psychologists suggest focusing on the behavior instead of the child.
Saying, “I didn’t like that choice” is more constructive than implying they’re a disappointment. It helps them learn without feeling ashamed.
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“You should know better”
Expecting children to understand complex situations or behaviors without guidance is unfair. Psychologists emphasize that kids are still learning and need patience, not criticism.
Instead of assuming they know better, offer gentle corrections and explanations. This fosters learning and growth without making them feel inadequate.
“Hurry up!”
Rushing a child can create unnecessary anxiety and stress. While time management is important, psychologists say that constantly pushing kids to move faster can backfire.
Encouraging them to do things at their own pace fosters a calmer, more productive environment. Patience is crucial in supporting a child’s development.
“Big boys/girls don’t cry”
Telling children not to cry reinforces harmful ideas about emotional suppression. Crying is a natural and healthy way for kids to express their emotions.
Psychologists say encouraging children to hold back tears teaches them to avoid vulnerability. Instead, let them know that it’s okay to cry and express their feelings.
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“You’ll understand when you’re older”
This dismissive phrase shuts down curiosity and makes kids feel left out of important conversations. While some topics may be too complex for children, it’s better to explain things at their level.
Psychologists suggest offering simple explanations instead of brushing them off. This fosters trust and keeps the lines of communication open.
“You’re always causing trouble”
Labeling a child as “trouble” can make them internalize that identity. Children often live up to the labels they’re given, so negative language can lead to negative behavior.
Psychologists recommend focusing on the specific behavior rather than making blanket statements. This encourages positive change without damaging their self-esteem.
“I wish you were more like…”
Comparing a child to someone else—whether it’s a sibling, friend, or adult—can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Psychologists say this creates unhealthy competition and discourages individuality.
Instead, celebrate your child’s unique qualities and abilities. This promotes self-confidence and reduces pressure to conform.
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