20 Things Your Toxic In-Laws Say That Always Leave You Cringing
Every family has them—those toxic in-laws who just can’t help but make every family gathering feel awkward. Whether they’re passing judgment on your life choices, offering unsolicited advice, or throwing shade, they’ve got a line for every situation.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of their typical phrases, you know how frustrating it can be. Here are 21 cliché phrases you’ll hear from toxic in-laws at every family gathering. Brace yourself—they’re coming!
“When are you going to settle down?”
It doesn’t matter if you’re married, in a long-term relationship, or perfectly happy as a single person—this question will always come up. Toxic in-laws seem to think that your life isn’t complete unless you’re living their ideal version of it.
They ignore your current happiness and try to push their own timeline and expectations onto you.
“You’ve gained some weight, haven’t you?”
This remark is a classic from the toxic in-law handbook. No one asked for their unsolicited opinion about your body, yet they never hesitate to voice it.
It can leave you feeling self-conscious, especially when it's delivered under the guise of “concern.” The truth is, their words are more about making you feel insecure than offering genuine advice.
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“You should have kids soon; time’s ticking.”
As if your life revolves around their timeline for grandchildren. The pressure to have kids can be overwhelming when toxic in-laws constantly remind you that “time is running out.”
They may even make it seem like your value is diminished if you’re not following their life script. It’s an outdated and unfair expectation that can cause unnecessary stress.
“You know, back in my day, things were different.”
Ah, the phrase that drips with nostalgia and condescension. Toxic in-laws love to compare everything to their “good old days,” as if modern life is somehow inferior.
Whether it’s parenting, relationships, or work, they’re quick to point out how things were better when they were in charge. What they fail to realize is that times change, and so should perspectives.
“You’re doing it all wrong, let me show you how.”
From the way you cook to how you clean or even how you raise your kids, toxic in-laws often think they have all the answers. The problem? They don't always respect your autonomy. Their way is the “right” way, and they’ll make sure you know it.
This kind of interference can make you feel like you’re incapable, even if you’ve got things handled just fine.
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“You should dress like your sister-in-law; she always looks put together.”
Toxic in-laws are masters of comparison, and one of their favorite targets is how you present yourself. Whether it’s your fashion choices, hairstyle, or overall look, they’ll always find someone else to pit you against.
This constant comparison can make you feel inadequate, as if your appearance isn’t good enough for their standards.
“It’s not that bad, just let it go.”
When you express frustration or discomfort with something, toxic in-laws are quick to dismiss your feelings. They trivialize your emotions and suggest you just “let it go.”
This invalidates your experience and makes you feel like you’re overreacting, when in reality, your feelings are totally valid.
“Don’t you want to look more like your cousin?”
Whether it’s about looks, achievements, or personal traits, toxic in-laws often love to compare you to other family members in an unflattering light. This kind of criticism not only undermines your confidence but also sows division in the family.
Everyone is unique, and comparisons like this only serve to make people feel like they’re falling short.
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“You’re lucky to have a partner like that, don’t mess it up.”
Toxic in-laws tend to offer unsolicited opinions about your relationship. Instead of being supportive, they often create tension by implying that you’re not doing enough to appreciate your partner.
This can make you second-guess your relationship, even if everything is going smoothly.
“Why don’t you just get a real job?”
If you’re a freelancer, entrepreneur, or in a non-traditional career path, toxic in-laws are quick to question your professional choices. They believe that “real” jobs come with a predictable 9-to-5 structure, not recognizing the value in more unconventional careers.
This dismissive attitude can make you feel misunderstood and unappreciated.
“Well, that’s just the way I was raised.”
This phrase is often used as an excuse for bad behavior or outdated beliefs. Toxic in-laws will cling to their old-school upbringing as if it justifies their judgments, even when those views are out of touch with modern values.
It’s their way of saying they can’t change, even if they really should.
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“You could stand to smile more.”
When toxic in-laws don’t like the way you express yourself, they’re quick to tell you what you should be doing differently. If you’re not smiling or acting as “pleasant” as they expect, they’ll let you know.
This comment can make you feel like you’re not entitled to your natural state of being, whether it’s serious or relaxed.
“You’ve got it easy, things were much harder for us.”
No matter what challenges you’re facing, toxic in-laws love to downplay them by comparing them to their own struggles. Their “tougher” times somehow make your problems seem insignificant.
This dismissive attitude doesn’t offer support—it only minimizes what you’re going through.
“When are you going to stop being so selfish?”
Toxic in-laws often accuse you of being selfish if you set boundaries or prioritize your own needs. Their idea of “selflessness” usually involves you putting them first at the expense of your own happiness.
This guilt-tripping tactic is meant to manipulate you into doing what they want.
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“You’re overreacting, it’s not that serious.”
When you voice concerns or frustrations, toxic in-laws are quick to brush them off. They downplay your feelings and make you question whether you’re being too sensitive.
This behavior can make you feel invalidated and ignored, even when your emotions are entirely justified.
“You don’t know what it’s like to have kids.”
If you’re not a parent, toxic in-laws love to remind you of this fact—especially if you voice any opinions about their parenting. They’ll imply that your views don’t matter because you don’t have children, dismissing your perspective entirely.
This statement is not only patronizing but also unhelpful.
“Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
Whether it’s a new job, a big decision, or a life change, toxic in-laws often question your readiness. Instead of offering support or encouragement, they raise doubts and undermine your confidence.
This “concern” often comes off as more judgment than genuine care.
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“I hope you’re not planning that wedding on a budget.”
Toxic in-laws have a knack for making you feel inadequate when it comes to big events like weddings. Whether it’s about the dress, the venue, or the guest list, they’ll drop hints about how everything should be extravagant.
Their expectations can lead to unnecessary stress and frustration as you try to meet an ideal they’ve created.
“You’re just not cut out for this.”
Whenever you try something new or different, toxic in-laws are quick to tell you you’re not up for the challenge. Their lack of belief in your abilities can be crushing, but it’s all about control.
They want to keep you in a box, where they can maintain the power dynamic in the family.
“Well, I never would’ve done it that way.”
No matter how you handle a situation, toxic in-laws will always have a better way. This phrase is often used as a subtle way to criticize your decisions and remind you that they think they know best.
Their need to be right can cause tension and conflict in what should be a supportive family environment.
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