23 Hurtful Phrases Parents Must Avoid to Foster a Healthy Relationship with Their Kids
Words carry immense power, especially when they come from a parent. The things we say to our children can shape their self-esteem, emotional health, and worldview for years to come.
While it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, there are certain phrases that can be particularly damaging to a child’s development. Good parents recognize the importance of thoughtful communication and avoid saying things that might harm their kids emotionally or mentally.
Here are 23 damaging phrases good parents never say to their kids—and what to say instead.
“You’re so lazy.”
Labeling a child as lazy can damage their self-esteem and motivation. Instead, encourage them by focusing on specific behaviors and offering positive reinforcement to help them improve.
“Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Comparing children to their siblings fosters resentment and insecurity. Celebrate your child’s individuality by recognizing their unique strengths and achievements.
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“Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.”
Dismissing your child’s emotions invalidates their feelings and teaches them to suppress their emotions. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer comfort, showing empathy for what they’re experiencing.
“You’re acting like a baby.”
Shaming a child for their behavior can make them feel inadequate or humiliated. Help them understand their emotions by talking through what they’re feeling and offering support.
“I’m disappointed in you.”
While disappointment is a natural emotion, expressing it this way can make a child feel like they’ve failed as a person. Focus on discussing the behavior that needs improvement rather than attacking their character.
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“You’re just like your [insert negative trait] parent.”
Using negative comparisons to the other parent can create confusion and damage your child’s sense of identity. Keep adult conflicts between adults and avoid dragging your child into them.
“You never do anything right.”
Such blanket statements create a sense of failure and inadequacy in children. Be specific about what needs improvement and offer constructive feedback rather than generalized criticism.
“I wish you’d never been born.”
This is one of the most hurtful things a parent can say and can cause lifelong emotional scars. Even in anger, it’s crucial to avoid making statements that question your child’s worth or existence.
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“You should know better.”
While it’s important to teach children lessons, this phrase assumes they should already have knowledge or understanding they may not have yet. Use these moments to guide and educate rather than scold.
“Because I said so.”
This phrase shuts down communication and doesn’t provide a reason for your decisions. Instead, explain the reasoning behind your rules or requests to help your child understand the why behind them.
“Stop being so dramatic.”
Belittling your child’s emotional responses teaches them that their feelings are not valid.Instead, acknowledge their emotions and offer to help them manage their feelings in a healthy way.
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“You’ll never amount to anything.”
Telling a child they won’t succeed creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure and low self-esteem. Encourage them with affirmations that they are capable and worthy of achieving their goals.
“You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase dismisses your child’s emotional reactions and can lead to feelings of shame. Validate their feelings and teach them how to process their emotions constructively.
“You’re driving me crazy.”
Blaming your child for your emotional state can make them feel responsible for your stress or unhappiness. Instead, focus on calming yourself and finding a productive way to address the situation.
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“Big boys/girls don’t cry.”
This phrase teaches children to suppress their emotions, leading to unhealthy emotional habits later in life. Encourage emotional expression by letting them know it’s okay to feel and share their emotions.
“I can’t believe you did that.”
While shock is a natural response, this phrase can make your child feel ashamed or embarrassed. Focus on discussing what happened and why it was wrong without making them feel like they’ve shocked you beyond repair.
“You’re impossible.”
Calling your child impossible can make them feel like they’re too much to handle and unlovable. Instead, approach the situation with patience and find ways to work together on the problem.
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“You never listen to me.”
Statements like this can make a child feel hopeless about ever meeting your expectations. Try saying, “Let’s work on better listening,” and reinforce positive listening behavior when they do pay attention.
“That’s not good enough.”
Constantly raising the bar without acknowledging effort can make a child feel like they’ll never be enough. Celebrate progress and effort, and provide constructive feedback on how they can improve without making them feel inadequate.
“You’ll understand when you’re older.”
While this may be true, it can also feel dismissive to a child seeking answers. Offer a simplified explanation that matches their developmental level so they don’t feel brushed off.
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“Don’t make me regret having you.”
This phrase is emotionally damaging and implies that your child’s existence is a mistake. Always avoid statements that make your child feel unwanted or unloved, regardless of the situation.
“You’re such a disappointment.”
Labeling a child as a disappointment attacks their character and can damage their self-esteem permanently. Instead, focus on constructive criticism of specific actions without attacking who they are as a person.
“Hurry up, you’re so slow.”
Impatience can make a child feel like they’re not good enough. Instead of rushing them, offer encouragement to help them improve their speed without causing stress or pressure.
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