23 Subtle Ways Adult Kids Use Their Parents for Personal Gain
It’s natural for parents to want to help their children, even when they’re grown. But sometimes, adult kids can take advantage of their parents without even realizing it—or worse, with full awareness.
These behaviors may be subtle or blatantly obvious, but either way, they can strain the parent-child relationship. Here are 23 signs that your adult children might be using you, and why it’s important to set boundaries before it’s too late.
They Only Call When They Need Something
If your child only reaches out when they need help or money, it’s a red flag. This behavior shows a lack of genuine interest in maintaining a healthy relationship.
They may see you as a resource rather than a parent. Watch for this pattern—it’s a sign of using.
They Expect Financial Support
Adult kids who consistently ask for money, even when they’re capable of managing on their own, are crossing a line. It’s one thing to help during tough times, but if they rely on you as their bank, it’s a problem.
Financial dependence can be a form of manipulation. Setting limits is crucial here.
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They Never Offer to Pay You Back
When they borrow money or ask for favors, they never mention paying you back. This sense of entitlement is a sign they expect you to always bail them out.
It shows a lack of responsibility and appreciation for your support. You shouldn’t have to ask to be repaid.
They Guilt-Trip You for Saying No
If you refuse to help, they make you feel guilty or try to manipulate your emotions. This behavior is a classic sign of someone who’s using you.
It’s meant to pressure you into saying yes, even when you shouldn’t. Don’t fall into the guilt trap.
They Never Help Out Around the House
When they visit or live with you, they don’t contribute or offer to help with chores. They expect you to do everything for them, even though they’re adults.
This laziness shows a lack of respect for your time and effort. It’s a clear sign they’re taking advantage of your kindness.
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They Expect You to Pay for Everything
Whether it’s dinner, gas, or entertainment, they assume you’ll cover the costs. They rarely, if ever, offer to pay their share.
This behavior reveals they see you as a source of financial support, not as a parent. It’s important to address this imbalance early on.
They Don’t Take Responsibility for Their Actions
They blame others or their circumstances for their problems, instead of owning up to their mistakes. They rely on you to fix their issues, without making any real effort themselves.
This lack of accountability is a sign they’re using you as a safety net. Encourage them to take responsibility for their lives.
They Use Your Home Like a Hotel
They come and go as they please, treating your home as a place to crash without contributing to the household. This behavior shows a lack of consideration for your space and boundaries.
They’re using your home for convenience, not as a place of mutual respect. Set clear boundaries to stop this.
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They Never Say Thank You
Gratitude is absent from their vocabulary when you help them out. They take your support for granted and never express appreciation.
This lack of thankfulness shows entitlement and a disregard for your efforts. Gratitude is key in any healthy relationship.
They Expect You to Solve Their Problems
They constantly come to you for solutions instead of trying to figure things out on their own. This behavior keeps them dependent on you, even for minor issues.
Adult children should learn to manage their problems, not rely on their parents to fix everything. Encourage independence rather than enabling dependency.
They Never Offer Help in Return
While they expect you to help them out, they never reciprocate when you need support. The relationship feels one-sided, with you giving and them taking.
This imbalance shows they’re not interested in a mutually supportive relationship. Healthy relationships require give and take.
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They Manipulate You Emotionally
They know how to play on your emotions to get what they want. This might involve guilt, pity, or even anger to pressure you into giving in.
Emotional manipulation is a sign of a toxic dynamic. Recognize the manipulation and resist giving in to it.
They Frequently Ask for Favors
Whether it’s borrowing your car, asking for help with errands, or needing a place to stay, the favors never stop. They rarely consider how these requests affect your time or energy.
This constant need for favors shows they’re using your resources without regard for your well-being. It’s okay to say no.
They Ignore You When You’re Not Helping Them
If you don’t hear from your child unless they need something, it’s a clear sign they’re using you. Healthy relationships involve regular communication, not just calls for favors.
If they vanish when they don’t need help, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
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They Expect You to Drop Everything for Them
They assume you’ll rearrange your schedule to accommodate their needs, no matter how inconvenient it is for you. This expectation shows a lack of respect for your time and priorities.
They’re putting their needs ahead of yours, which isn’t fair. Boundaries are essential in stopping this behavior.
They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
When you set boundaries, they push back or ignore them completely. They may continue to ask for help, even after you’ve said no.
This disregard for your boundaries shows they see you as a resource, not as an individual. Firm boundaries are crucial for protecting your emotional health.
They Take Advantage of Your Love for Them
They know you love them and use that to their advantage. They rely on your affection and care to manipulate you into doing what they want.
This exploitation of your love creates an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. Love doesn’t mean letting yourself be used.
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They Make You Feel Obligated
They act like you owe them something, whether it’s money, time, or favors. This sense of obligation keeps you trapped in a cycle of giving.
You don’t owe your adult children endless support, especially when it’s being taken for granted. Break free from this feeling of obligation.
They Don’t Respect Your Time
They make last-minute requests or assume you’re always available, without considering your schedule. This lack of respect for your time shows they view you as a convenience.
Your time is valuable, and it’s important to prioritize your needs too.
They Rely on You for Basic Needs
Despite being adults, they rely on you for things like food, shelter, or transportation. This dependence shows they’re not taking responsibility for their own life.
Parents can help, but it’s important for adult children to learn self-sufficiency.
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They Avoid Responsibility for Their Financial Situation
If they’re in a financial bind, they immediately turn to you for help, without considering other solutions. This reliance on you as a financial safety net prevents them from learning how to manage money.
Encourage them to take responsibility for their financial future.
They Expect Emotional Support Without Offering It
They come to you for comfort during their struggles but don’t provide emotional support in return. This one-sided emotional exchange shows they’re using you for their own needs.
Healthy relationships involve mutual emotional support.
They Assume You’ll Always Say Yes
They’ve grown accustomed to you saying yes, and now they expect it. This assumption shows a lack of appreciation and respect for your boundaries.
It’s important to assert your right to say no, even when it’s difficult.
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