Eighteen Signs Your Parents Gaslighted You as a Child and Still Do
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone tries to make you doubt your reality, memory, or perception. Sadly, many children grow up experiencing this form of manipulation from their parents, leading to long-term emotional and psychological effects.
If you frequently feel confused or question your own experiences when dealing with your parents even today, you may have been a victim of gaslighting. Here are eighteen signs that your parents gaslighted you as a kid—and that it’s still happening now.
1. Your Parents Regularly Dismissed Your Feelings as Overreactions
Whenever you expressed emotions as a child, your parents may have told you that you were “being dramatic” or “too sensitive.”
This made you question whether your feelings were valid and often led you to suppress your emotions.
Even today, you might find yourself downplaying your emotions out of fear that others will think you're overreacting.
2. They Denied Events Happened the Way You Remember Them
If you confronted your parents about something hurtful they said or did, they likely denied it or claimed you were misremembering.
This gaslighting tactic caused you to second-guess your memories, making you feel uncertain about your own experiences.
Even now, you might struggle to trust your recollections, especially when discussing past events with your parents.
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3. They Made You Feel Guilty for Expressing Boundaries
As a child, if you tried to set any boundaries, your parents likely framed you as being selfish or ungrateful.
They made you feel guilty for wanting to protect yourself, convincing you that your boundaries were unreasonable.
Today, you may struggle to set boundaries without feeling guilty or fearing backlash.
4. They Invalidated Your Achievements
Even when you accomplished something significant, your parents may have downplayed it or compared you unfavorably to others.
This constant invalidation led to a sense of inadequacy, making it hard to recognize your achievements even today.
You may find it difficult to celebrate your successes without feeling like they’re not good enough.
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5. They Blamed You for Things That Weren’t Your Fault
When things went wrong, your parents frequently shifted the blame onto you, even if you had nothing to do with the situation.
This gaslighting tactic made you feel responsible for things outside your control.
As an adult, you might still internalize blame for things that aren’t your fault, feeling guilty over situations that don’t involve you.
6. They Accused You of Being “Too Emotional”
Your parents likely labeled you as “too emotional” or “hysterical” whenever you showed vulnerability or cried.
This made you believe that emotional expression was a weakness.
Today, you might struggle with showing your emotions, worried that others will see you as overly emotional.
7. They Constantly Shifted the Narrative
Your parents were experts at changing the story when it suited them, especially during conflicts.
They often twisted facts to avoid responsibility and make you feel confused or in the wrong.
Now, you may find yourself questioning your perspective during disagreements, unsure of what's real and what's been distorted.
8. They Claimed You Were Imagining Things
If you pointed out their hurtful behavior, your parents may have brushed it off by saying you were imagining things.
This made you doubt your perceptions and feel like your concerns were invalid.
As a result, even today, you may hesitate to trust your instincts, fearing that you’re overreacting or making things up.
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9. They Downplayed Your Struggles
When you were going through something difficult, your parents likely minimized your struggles by saying things like, “It’s not that bad” or “Other people have it worse.”
This dismissal of your challenges made you feel like your problems weren’t important or valid.
Today, you might still minimize your own struggles, reluctant to seek support or speak up about your difficulties.
10. They Forced Their Version of Reality on You
Your parents were skilled at imposing their version of events or emotions onto you, disregarding how you actually felt or experienced things.
They may have insisted you were happy when you weren’t or told you that you didn’t really feel upset.
This has led to you doubting your emotional responses today, unsure whether your feelings are real or just another version of reality imposed on you.
11. They Called You “Ungrateful” When You Voiced Concerns
When you expressed dissatisfaction or raised concerns, your parents likely branded you as ungrateful.
This tactic was designed to make you feel bad for voicing any discontent and silence your criticisms.
Now, you may hesitate to express your feelings, afraid that others will see you as unappreciative or selfish.
12. They Criticized You for Things Outside Your Control
As a child, you may have been blamed or criticized for things you couldn’t control, such as family problems or external situations.
This constant criticism made you feel powerless and overly responsible for your family’s well-being.
As an adult, you may carry this sense of responsibility into your relationships, always trying to fix things that aren’t within your control.
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13. They Claimed to Know What You “Really” Wanted or Needed
Your parents likely insisted they knew what was best for you, even when you expressed different wants or needs.
They dismissed your autonomy and convinced you that you didn’t know yourself as well as they did.
Today, you may struggle to trust your own decisions, feeling that others know better than you do.
14. They Gave You the Silent Treatment for Speaking Up
When you spoke up about something that upset you, your parents may have responded with the silent treatment, leaving you isolated and confused.
This form of emotional punishment taught you that confrontation or self-expression would lead to withdrawal of affection.
Even now, you might fear expressing yourself, worried that it will lead to emotional abandonment or rejection.
15. They Questioned Your Sanity or Memory
Your parents may have often asked, “Are you sure that’s what happened?” or “Are you feeling okay?” when you confronted them about something.
These questions were designed to make you doubt your own mental clarity and reliability.
As a result, you may find yourself second-guessing your memory or emotional stability today.
16. They Claimed “It Was Just a Joke” After Being Hurtful
Whenever they said something hurtful or offensive, your parents likely brushed it off as “just a joke” to avoid accountability.
This tactic made you question whether you were overreacting to their cruel comments.
Today, you may struggle to recognize when someone’s being hurtful, downplaying their words as harmless teasing.
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17. They Expected You to Be the “Bigger Person”
When conflicts arose, your parents often expected you to apologize first or resolve the issue, regardless of who was at fault.
This burden made you feel like you always had to fix things, even when you weren’t in the wrong.
Now, you may still take on this role in relationships, feeling obligated to be the peacemaker, even at your own expense.
18. They Said You Were “Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing”
Your parents often dismissed your concerns by telling you that you were blowing things out of proportion.
This response belittled your experiences and made you question whether your feelings were justified.
Even today, you might hesitate to speak up, afraid that others will accuse you of making a fuss over nothing.
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