Support, Don’t Enable: 18 Things to Stop Doing for Your Adult Child
Parents want the best for their children, but supporting an adult child can sometimes turn into enabling. When adult children rely on parents for emotional, financial, or practical support, they miss out on growth and independence.
Striking the right balance between help and enablement can be tough, but it’s crucial for both parent and child. Here are 18 things to stop doing if you want your adult child to become truly self-sufficient and empowered.
Paying Their Bills
Covering your adult child’s expenses creates a dependency. They learn that financial safety nets will always be there.
This habit can delay their motivation to find stability. Encourage them to budget and prioritize their own expenses.
It’s a step toward independence they need to make.
Handling Their Responsibilities
When you take care of their chores or errands, they don’t grow. An adult should be managing these things independently.
Allowing them to do so builds life skills and accountability. Encourage responsibility by stepping back gradually.
It’s tough, but vital for their development.
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Giving Them Money ‘Just in Case’
Providing money as a backup can keep them from budgeting. It can create an expectation of endless support.
Instead, discuss creating their own emergency fund. They’ll feel empowered and learn better money habits.
This sets a solid foundation for their future.
Solving Their Problems for Them
Resist the urge to step in when they face challenges. Handling their issues robs them of valuable problem-solving skills.
Guide them to think through solutions rather than fixing it. Encourage resilience by letting them manage their own struggles.
They’ll become more resourceful and independent.
Making Excuses for Their Behavior
Excusing poor decisions or behavior doesn’t help them grow. Hold them accountable for their actions and choices.
Setting boundaries teaches respect and self-reflection. Enable positive change by promoting accountability.
It fosters maturity in the long run.
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Allowing Them to Live Rent-Free Indefinitely
Giving a free place to stay can discourage independence. Charge a modest rent or have an exit plan for moving out.
This pushes them to take responsibility for their living situation. They’ll develop a sense of pride in self-sufficiency.
A little structure goes a long way.
Intervening in Their Personal Relationships
Stepping into their relationships can harm their independence. Allow them to handle their personal dynamics on their own.
Offer advice only when they ask for it or it’s serious. Respecting boundaries helps them learn about relationships.
They’ll gain confidence in managing their own interactions.
Bailing Them Out of Every Financial Jam
Financially rescuing them can create a cycle of dependency. Encourage them to plan and budget to avoid repeat crises.
Teach them the value of managing their own finances. Empower them to take ownership of their financial life.
It’s a big step toward responsibility.
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Helping Them Avoid Consequences
Shielding them from the results of their choices delays growth. Let them experience natural consequences and learn from them.
These lessons are often the most impactful. Step back and let life teach them in real-time.
They’ll gain resilience and accountability.
Constantly Checking In on Their Decisions
Calling frequently to check their every move undermines autonomy. Show trust by letting them manage without daily updates.
It builds confidence and shows respect for their independence. Encourage open communication but not dependence.
They’ll learn to stand on their own feet.
Allowing Them to Overstay a ‘Temporary’ Stay
A temporary stay can quickly become permanent without boundaries. Set expectations and a timeline for their next steps.
Encourage them to plan their future moves realistically. This shows your support without enabling dependency.
It fosters a sense of progress and purpose.
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Supporting Their Lifestyle Beyond Your Means
Funding their lifestyle, especially if you’re stretched, isn’t sustainable. Teach them to budget and prioritize what they can afford.
It’s healthier for your finances and their independence. Set boundaries to protect both of your financial well-being.
They’ll respect financial limits and learn responsibility.
Over-Involving Yourself in Their Career Choices
Career decisions are deeply personal and should be theirs alone. Avoid steering their professional path unless asked.
Support them by listening, not directing. Trusting their choices builds confidence and ownership.
They’ll find their way and appreciate the freedom.
Letting Them Borrow the Car Constantly
Having a car of their own is a step toward independence. Limit the use of your car and encourage them to save for one.
It teaches responsibility and adds motivation to earn. This helps them see the value of self-reliance.
Transportation is part of adult life they need to manage.
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Doing Their Laundry or Cleaning Up for Them
Continuing to do chores for them reinforces dependency. Letting them handle their own laundry and cleaning builds habits.
These are basic skills every adult needs for a healthy life. Encourage them to manage their space and personal needs.
They’ll appreciate the autonomy and gain self-discipline.
Letting Them Skip Financial Planning
Not helping them plan for the future enables short-sightedness. Encourage saving, budgeting, and setting goals.
Financial literacy is crucial for independence. Discussing these topics supports a secure future.
They’ll be better prepared and more confident.
Inviting Them to Every Family Event Automatically
Allowing them to attend every event without a choice can delay growth. Encourage them to set their own social calendar.
They need to balance family and personal commitments. Let them learn how to prioritize and make choices.
This fosters their own sense of responsibility and social skills.
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Taking Care of Their Health Appointments
Making appointments for them keeps them from managing their own health. Encourage them to schedule and attend appointments independently.
This teaches responsibility for personal well-being. It’s an important part of self-care as an adult.
They’ll learn the importance of taking care of themselves.
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